The messy update.

 Since my last blog... our lives fell apart. Right after my mom bought her own house, our homeowners told us we needed to move or buy. We fought for a year trying to buy that house and the house next to it. They both fell through for very silly reasons. Almost like God was protecting us from something. Looking back, idk how we would have survived with rising prices and a heavy mortgage. It forced us to move back to Calvert, to my dad's house, which my brother now owns. 

My dad was a single father. My mom left when i was 7. I was the baby and only girl. Although we would fight, we were extremely close. Yet, at the end of his life...he wouldn't speak to me. I thought he just didn't like me as a person, maybe my politics, beliefs. Turns out, after I gave birth someone in the family created a VERY nasty rumor about me (accessing him of something horrible) and he believed it. That's why he didn't  speak to me. Thats why no one came to visit me in the hospital after i gave birth or ignored my phone calls when my back went out and i was violently ill. I had no idea that was the reason till after he had passed away. Sometimes I think maybe the Intent there was to disassociate me from his assets but I don't let my mind go that far. I didn't want to believe that of people but they keep proving themselves to me over and over. Hard to ignore anymore, doing super hateful/hurtful shit. We are largely excluded and ignored from any family activity or conversation. Shut out. When I say "let's resolve these issues" the reply is always "Your crazy. There is no issue.", "It was just a joke" or "I don't feel like hearing about it." 

We've been here in this house for a year. It hasn't been easy at all. In September my brothers wife, now ex, got drunk and shot a loaded gun in the house with my family inside, threatening to kill everyone. I wasn't allowed to speak about it while living here but she got absolutely no consequences. They didn't even try her case before they threw it on the STET. And it's very evident that the way treating me poorly was normalized, it is now happening to my daughter (who is the sweetest baby in the world)

We are closer than ever to being able to afford to buy a house completely on our own, no help. The baby is miserable here begging me everyday to leave. It breaks my heart. I'm fighting my ass off for it. I love this little family I created. They are everything that is goodness in this world. We're gonna get our home. One day soon I'll be back on here telling you, "It's happened. It's happened! We did it!!"